Exploring Awareness

I decided to try to give someone a reading.  I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed my deck of Tarot cards.  I haven’t played with Tarot since high school.  I never really understood what is was about.  I learned several layouts and the book meanings of the cards, but I never was taught about the intuitive aspect.  Now that I have forgotten the layouts and the book meanings, I had a fun, intuitive reading.  Concentrating on the question, I threw a few cards on the table.  Interpretation was purely intuitive.  The pictures, colors, textures of the cards lend themselves well to intuition.  The readings seemed consistent with what we knew, though not always what we would think logically.

Interestingly, the intuitive aspect is the whole piece.  The many layered book meanings of the cards are nice, but the cards are window dressing for the intuition flowing through you.  As I plucked the cards from the nightstand drawer where they slumbered for so long, apprehension filled my brain.  I couldn’t remember all the basic meanings of the cards, let alone the subtle underlying aspects of each.  Pouring them into my open hands, shuffling them as though regular cards, preparing to place them in an elaborate layout, I realized I’d forgotten the layouts.  Panic struck.  With a  mental pause, a few breaths, and a release of the tension building inside me, I recalled that intuition works from a place of love, not fear.  Eyes closed, I flipped out a card onto the bed, then another, continuing until there were six.  It felt right.  I opened my eyes.  Before me the layout became clear.  A couplet of cards laying face up near the middle of the area painted a broad picture of the solution I sought.  I interpreted through the apparent picture of the card, the colors, the symbols.  Another card lay close, but inverted and I intuited it as an opposite and it fit.  Two other cards were sideways at different angles and I felt that gave a degree of meaning based on the degree of sidewaysness.  (Yes, I know it’s not a real word, but it works to communicate the meaning.)  The last card was flipped over onto it’s front.  Turning it over I knew this would be hidden obstacles to the solution.  Logically (does logic even count with intuition?), it worked for me.  I could comprehend the potential semantics.

Working from love, I was able to give the best Tarot readings.  Book meanings? Pah!  Complicated layouts? Phh!  Infinite subtleties? Piffle!  My best Tarot readings came from tossing cards on my bed with my eyes closed and interpreting the meanings intuitively.  Maybe that’s all you really need.  Perhaps that’s how tea readings work…

Why did I even pick up the cards, again?  Because I have had two readings lately, and both readers used Tarot cards to provide focus and information.  My attempts at readings so far have been hopeful.  I am trying various styles.  Each one has it’s own advantages and disadvantages:

I tried automatic writing a while back and was mildly successful.  Some of my answers were on target, but not the the right extent.  Some of them did not feel as helpful, but allowed me to experience my guides’ sense of humor and point of view.  I asked about what was wrong with one of my sons as he was having some health issues.  The answer was nothing is wrong with him, he is perfect, as are we all.  Not very helpful on a practical level, but a good reminder that we are all energetic beings, not physical bodies.

A friend asked me to try a body scan for health issues.  I was able to “see” a spot in her chest and a haze around her abdomen.  She said the spot was Breast Cancer that her doctor had just confirmed.  The haze she attributed to toxicity of her guts that she was going to cleanse with a process that I don’t recall.  That worked well, but I hesitated to find anything as I would like her to only be well.  I was torn between telling her what I saw and telling her she was fine.  No one wants to be the bearer of bad news.  I’m glad she already had the information and was allowing me to “test” my abilities (abilities many of us have and can develop).

Each type of reading can give different results.  Tarot gives me a general overview of a situation and solution.  Automatic Writing provided details, but were laced with my spirit guides’ point of view.  Body Scanning gives health related information, but I will have to practice a lot more to get useful data from it.

I find myself curious about how I came to my spiritual beliefs.  Most days I believe what I believe and go on about my life.  Some days, however, I wonder how I came to this point.  I think an understanding of my background and what experiences formed my opinions and beliefs might help others on their path through life.  Everyone’s path is different, indeed each person’s whole experience is different.  We all create our own realities.  That was a tough concept for me to grasp at first.  Now it seems obvious.  The difference is experience and a willingness to question.

I think movies came first in my explorative development.  The Witch Mountain movies were thought provoking.  I think most of the kids of the time wished they could move things with their minds.  It was a nice introduction that there may be more to the world than we think.  It certainly made me think.  For those of you not familiar with the movies, they are about two orphans that can speak telepathically.  They have some other abilities that serve to make some people want to exploit them.  Not to give too much away, but they eventually find out why they are “different”.

One of the first authors of non-children’s books that I can remember reading is Anne McCaffrey.  (Isn’t it crazy that I have to be careful how I said that.  I was going to put adult book author, but that has a completely different connotation, doesn’t it?)  I started with the Dragonflight  series and voraciously read anything she wrote.  I loved the telepathic communication between man and dragon.  The book that I remember having the greatest impact at that point, though was: To Ride Pegasus.  It was the book that introduced me to precognition.  The fact that people with all of these various abilities were not superheroes really moved me.  Anne McCaffrey portrays her characters as real people with problems, different than the rest of us, but the same as well.  At least that is how I saw it as a child.

A couple years later, I ran across the first of the Seth books: The Seth Material.  The carefulness of even Jane Roberts and her husband, their disbelief even as it was happening, made this book readable to me.  For all that I may seem open to any type of Metaphysical – New Age – or Woo Woo stuff that’s out there, I am rather skeptical.  Much as I was during my Sunday School classes, I question everything.  However, unlike many people who have had awareness expanding moments and then denied them, I do believe my own experiences.  If I experiment with something like seeing auras, and I see them, then I will accept that auras exist and people can see them.  Seth’s explanations of the universe made sense to me based on what I had experienced in life (little as it had been at that point).  It resonated with me.  It opened my mind to a new way of looking at how life worked.  Basically, it laid a framework (creating your own reality and a connectedness with all things) through which I was able to see life.

I think the movie that really cemented my thoughts on the interconnectedness of all things was The Empire Strikes Back.  In Star Wars, they talk about the Force and it relates to many of the Metaphysical and New Age ideas.  But when Yoda started explaining about how everything is tied together, it made a lot of sense to me based on my own experiences.  When he explained in his cryptic way that you cannot start something and be successful by trying,  you can only be successful by knowing you will succeed, it was eye opening.  I examined my life and could see that when I tried, I usually did not have much success, but when I said to myself, “I can do this”, I had great results.  And I still love the lesson that if you start something knowing it is impossible, you will certainly fail.  I’ve started many tasks in my life that seemed insurmountable by reminding myself that many other people have already done this, so I certainly can, too.  Those tasks seem to almost magically work out.  Frame of mind and intention are what those movies brought to me.  I may have read more into it than what was really there, but that’s basically how guides, angels, and intuition seem to work in our lives.  We receive insight into something that perhaps others do not see.

I am very grateful that I was drawn (guided) to these books and movies in my youth.  I still pull out fascinating bits that expand my awareness of myself and of life out of the books, movies, and music around me.  Connecting it all to real life is the real joy.

Yay!  I finally am able to see auras!  At least, fundamentally.  Barbara Brennan‘s book, Hands of Light, was exactly what I needed.  Interestingly enough, the book made itself known to me several times throughout my life.  Each time, I noticed it peripherally, but didn’t really look at it.  This time, however, it was recommended by Kelmie Blake Spires as one of many books to read to learn about auras.  Having run across it so many times before, it stood out and I began reading it.

My logical brain immediately began making connections with her interpretation.  Her writing style is very logical and therefore easy for me to absorb.  Following the exercises, I began to see auras.  At first, I could only see a little colorless outline that looked luminous.  (The appearance seemed like it would be a glow-in-the-dark luminosity, but when I tried in the dark, I could not see it.)   Now that I have been practicing for a couple of months, I can see the aura out a little farther.  I still do not see colors, which is a little disappointing.  I asked Veronica Entwistle about it at her last meeting (see the Events page to see upcoming events like this), and she said that she sees the colors better when she closes her eyes.  At first, I was skeptical, but as the aura is just energy, it makes sense that you are not seeing it with just your optical receptors.  I haven’t tried it, yet, as it still takes effort for me to see auras.

When I am trying to see an aura, I find I have to change the way my brain feels.  When I finally see an aura, it feels like I am wearing a headband across the top of my head.  Once I feel that, I can see auras pretty easily as I switch from person to person (or cat or plant or whatever).  Practice is required, but finding places to watch people without looking creepy in the process is the real challenge.  Staring strangely at someone for several minutes isn’t what I do best.

Still, I am getting a little better at it each time I try.  I recommend the book.  I have links to it and to the author on the Books page.

Well, now I have to catch up.  I have been putting my energy into site improvements rather than the content.  Back to the real reason I’m doing this.  To explore…

I’ve never looked too deeply into the Shamanic side life.  The Shamanic, as I see it, is a attunement to nature.  Nature “talks” to you in metaphor.  Certain animals, plants, and natural occurrences convey attributes that communicate meaning in an intuitive manner.  I heard about people saying that they have a totem animal, an animal that conveys a reflection of self and assists in their inner discovery of themselves.  I always imagined my totem as probably being a wolf or falcon.  I suppose I picked those because of stories I read and certain aspects of those animals that I wanted to see in myself.  Boy was I wrong.  My totem made itself known this year.  My totem is cat.

Looking back it seems quite obvious.  I have many cat-like attributes; I don’t have to try to have them, they are an innate part of who I am now and who I have always been.  Cat “speech” has always come easily to me; I understand what they are trying to communicate.  Siamese “speak” a different language, but I was able to pick it up pretty quickly once I realized.  Eyelid motions, tail twitches, looking away – it’s all communication.

How did I find out that my totem was cat after all this time of living with cats and not seeing it?  A black cat crossed my path.  It “said” I’m hungry, help me.  I coaxed it out from under my truck with a friendly purring and clucking.  It came readily and I could see that it was starving, but had been well cared for in the past as it’s coat was full.  We brought it some food and water and fed it on our front porch.  I felt a tugging an intuitive tugging to bring it into the family.  I fought that feeling.  I really did not want to care for another animal.  We had 3 cats and a dog.  Another cat would would cause disruption, especially as two of our cats are half-Siamese (which are all a little crazy as far as I am concerned).  The tugging would not let up though, and I found myself outside looking over the cat.  Moments later we were feeding it inside the house.  I could see it was not well.  Which is to say it was healthy except for being nearly starved, but was not acting cat-like.  No tail twitching, no reaction when our want-to-be-dominate Siamese male hissed at it.  No startling when the kids made a lot of noise.  It worried me.  I kept a close eye on it throughout the rest of the evening.  At some point, the idea that cat was my totem struck me.  Like an avalanche, the thought started small, but undeniable.  Then the realization grew and it tumbled out in front of me.  Of course, cat was my totem.

With a slow blink, and a trilling purr…

P.S.  She’s doing much better now.

I attended a Halloween party where there were various metaphysical specialists doing their thing.  During a reading with John Skyrman he basically started by asking why I was not doing readings.  This is about the 3rd or 4th time I have been told this by a psychic this year.  I guess I should start practicing.  I just don’t know how to begin.

How does someone begin giving readings?  Obviously I can start with family members who are supportive of this sort of thing, but then who do I practice on?  I suppose I had better get started with my community meeting idea.   That will at least give me a pool of folks to practice on, and give others a pool to practice on as well.

I have a friend that has confounded me.  At first, I thought he was completely disconnected from the path I am trying to explore.  That’s fine, most folks on the planet are disconnected, they are not here as explorers.  Nothing wrong with that, it just means we have different interests.  What I found after talking with him more, was that he is on his path.  He is perfectly content.  He is a walking Buddha.  He doesn’t have to explore his path.  He is not looking for further awareness.  His life is happiness.  When it is not, it changes and he is perfectly happy with that, too.  He loves his work, he loves sitting at home watching TV.  When the football game is on, he loves cheering when things go well.  When they don’t, he is happy and says, “Darn, maybe next time.”  Then he moves on to something else he enjoys.  Step by step, day by day, he is happiness.