I find myself curious about how I came to my spiritual beliefs. Most days I believe what I believe and go on about my life. Some days, however, I wonder how I came to this point. I think an understanding of my background and what experiences formed my opinions and beliefs might help others on their path through life. Everyone’s path is different, indeed each person’s whole experience is different. We all create our own realities. That was a tough concept for me to grasp at first. Now it seems obvious. The difference is experience and a willingness to question.
My early years provided me with an overlay of Protestant Christianity. I was dutifully hauled off to Sunday school as a wee child. I remember the simplified stories and tales told from the Bible with the intent that we all learn to be proper young children. The stories were fun and the good guy always won. Yay, team! As I grew I was placed in classes with more pointed stories and discussions. I remember the first time I heard the phrase, “fear of God”. What’s this? Fear God? But He’s supposed to be this wonderfully nice guy that always takes care of us. Why would we fear? We aren’t the bad guy.
Apparently, the good guys were supposed to fear God as well. That was my first impression that something was not right in Bibleland.
Now, I don’t recall being pointed out as a precocious child, but maybe that was because I was pretty quiet around people I didn’t know too well. I found myself asking questions that were not well received. Questions like, “You said Adam was the first man and Eve the first woman. They had three sons. Who did their sons marry?”
I learned very quickly not to ask questions. Fortunately, I learned it well before we got to Job. Yikes! Our nice God that is supposed to take care of us is allowing one of His most ardent supporters to be tortured! Sure, take all his wealth, kill off his family, make him sick, and he’ll still love Me and think I’m wonderful.
This is our reward for supporting and believing in His greatness? Hmmm, that made me think. Is this someone I would want to spend eternity with? Ouch!
I also noticed that many of the people who attended church were very adamant about what was right during church, but went about the other six days of the week as if they were a different person. This was certainly not the group of people I wished to associate with for the rest of my life. I was wary of any person who had the ability to be a friend one day of the week and forget I existed the other six. One of my sons has had this same experience, already. (Yes, I let them find their own path.)
Being able to see this early let me free my mind to question alternative spiritual paths. If I had accepted the teachings of the church and ignored the obvious contradictions, I would not have allowed myself to investigate anything else. It would have all been labeled EVIL – Do not touch! I recall being told that even reading other (non-Christian) spiritual matter would be a sin.
I returned to learn more about Christianity as I explored. It is so pervasive that the peer pressure was intense to return to the church. More about that later. I just wanted to give everyone an idea of the underpinnings that led me to look elsewhere for the meaning of life.
Still, Sunday school had its lessons. I learned how to operate a puppet, and that I really don’t sing well.